perhaps, perhaps, perhaps

bysmeredon hie unc butu ætgædere

Mon, 07 Dec 2009 20:51:19 GMT

There's still a lot of work to do, but the finish line is in sight and it is, thank you NASA, before the time this dumb thing is due.

I'd forgotten how much I love Old English. "The Dream of the Rood" in the original still reads like heart ache and a punch to the gut. And I kind of want to try translating Wulf (and Eadwacer) again.

First snow came last night. I'm not certain it truly qualifies, because it didn't cover every blade of grass - and it's all but gone, now - but it was a lovely thing to wake up to.

I want a veggie pot pie

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 22:46:01 GMT

I've been working on a project from eight-thirty in the mornings until two the next mornings - with occasional breaks, I'm not wholly stupid - since Thursday. Because I'm doing preparatory work, too, that I should have been doing all term.

Why did I do this? Seriously? I am just - why? I'm sick of this! I want to burn all my papers.

I have to go back to work.

winter, some kind of wonderful

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 19:42:58 GMT

The Arthur/Gwen was good! By that I mean I enjoyed their scenes together and enjoyed Arthur's banter with Merlin about Gwen. Arthur's and Gwen's interactions were meaningful, I believed they mattered to both parties, and because I believed them I was not too preoccupied with WTFing and so had the time, ability, and inclination to feel so very sorry for Gwen when Arthur got magic-whooped with the Mission to Woo horrible rude Vivian.

God. Poor Gwen.

However, while I had the time to feel sorry for her I did not have very much, because Arthur under a magical Mission to Woo is hilarious. Someday that spell needs to be performed again and it must go terribly awry. The wrong lock of hair? Also, someday I would like for the rose-in-mouth cliche to come with inconvenient cuts.

I don't know that I'll ever warm to Arthur/Gwen completely. He had more chemistry with Vivian. And I actually really like Gwen/Lancelot in this version of the myth. I think she was referring to him, when she told Arthur that she knew she'd caused her share of hurt, and the reference, in this context, made me sad. I don't want to equate Lancelot with a random passing (not-real) spell, especially because I honestly think she just likes him better.

But Arthur/Gwen is growing on me. I think Merlin is better with established relationships than with actually - well - establishing them. I had the same problem with Arthur and Merlin in the first season - I enjoyed the shenanigans, and so I tended to forget that I disliked them in the first couple of episodes and didn't feel the writers had shown us anything that could actually lead to a friendship in such a short space of time.

I do wish my subtext weren't being constantly contradicted with text, though.

I'm not ready for the next episode. I want them to shake up Morgana's and Mordred's part of the legend so badly. I really hope this is an example of "the modern story is mostly wrong, but here's why that's the one that survived." And even if it's not, and she becomes a villain, I hope it's because she decides that she needs to oppose Uther. Not because she goes raving mad. She's cool and badass and smart, goddammit. And I hope the writers do something nifty with the druids.

This doesn't have to make me happy to keep from pissing me off. Just don't portray her as a terrified victim.

Please don't screw up, show.

--

I have six days in which to find forty-five sources on Anglo-Saxon poetry, annotate these sources, write an introduction to the topic, code a website for the display of all of the above, and prepare a presentation on the whole lot of it, process as well as end result. I have six days; this is certainly manageable. If I actually do the work.

Today I am marathoning missed television!

I checked out a bunch of books today? I will work on all of this tomorrow. Perhaps even tonight, if I wish to. I turned in a different major project this morning; I feel like doing nothing for hours on end.

Are you calling me fat?

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 04:47:31 GMT

I am never as squeeful as I expect to be. I don't think I am approaching the show on its own terms.

That said:

I really, really wish Merlin hadn't wanted to leave with Freya. Just. Where was the dragon in that moment? Someone needed to remind him of his destiny!

But I liked Freya. It's hard not to like a flying werepanther. And I'm not particularly bummed that my favorite daydream is jossed, either, though that is less because I liked Freya and more because it was always going to be jossed and so I'm going to keep daydreaming about it anyway. But I did like her.

Morgana's dresses had more presence in this episode than she did. I'll grant you, that's normal. But this time Morgana's wardrobe was LITERALLY more important to the plot than she was. She never even showed up. Just, wow. Thank you, writers, for playing into my steadily growing unease regarding the way you dress up Katie McGrath like a doll.

Hahhahhah now everyone thinks Merlin is a crossdresser. I really want to see the conversation between Merlin and Morgana when she finds out. I follow this show through its obvious stupidities far too readily. I found the "Arthur's fat!" jokes funny, too. I do not claim to be sophisticated.

Arthur and Merlin at the end made me happy. I like it when Arthur proves to have been paying attention (I like that interpretation of how he finds out, too: that one day Merlin will actually manage to tell him, and Arthur will be like, "well, duh. Not so loud, idiot"), and I love that in their world noogies are the most superior mode of displaying affection, and for a minute there, Arthur's grin was the smile everybody writes about. Before he reverted to happy smug inconsiderate prat-dom. As he does. It's part of why most people love him.

I do love that Arthur asked if Merlin was sad because Arthur threw water on him. Yes, Arthur, you are the center of the universe. Everything is caused by you. But I think that particular manifestation of his self-centeredness (not just "I caused" but "I carry blame") shows growth! As in, it could be analagous to that first Arthur/Gwen episode, when she actually called him on his oafishness and he ended up staring up a chicken's ass in his quest to cook dinner to make it up for her. He's learning! Slowly.

Next week: Arthur is once again magicked into falling in love! And this time, he is even more of an idiot about it! And eek, Gwen looked really upset. I almost believe that romance when you don't try to put them in the same room.

--

I fake-purchased $2500 in books today, and never want to go near a book ever again. That's going to make librarianship hard, but I'll manage somehow.

look at what they make you give

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 02:12:40 GMT

I've been reading recent Supernatural commentaries. I don't quite know why, having never watched the show myself. But I find this issue interesting. From what I can gather, Supernatural is a show that occasionally interacts with its fandom, its fans, and its fan fiction. And a recent episode apparently conveyed the sense that male fans interact with their texts by identifying with the characters (and therefore, it is implied, they understand and embrace the spirit of the text), and female fans interact with their texts by wanting to date the characters.

As I've never watched Supernatural I have none of the specific contexts, but I'm a bit confused by the wide response. Not because this isn't infuriating - because it is - but because it isn't new. At all. This is a fairly standard attitude toward female fans of male characters. I would understand if the producer of the show were usually better about gender than his peers, but I'm not really getting that impression from the commentaries. And I also wish people would stop being offended at the idea that producers think women are attracted to their characters. There's nothing wrong with being attracted to them. And I don't think "being attracted to a character" and "identifying with a character" are mutually exclusive modes of interaction with a text.

I think it's fairly well-established that women have an easier time relating to male characters than men do with female characters. And, like most women on the planet, I find Mr. Darcy stupidly hot and I want a Darcy of my own (I am embarrassingly fond of Lost in Austen). But while Pride and Prejudice actually was aimed at women and I'm supposed to identify with Elizabeth, I can't even really like her, let alone relate to her* - but also, while I can't really identify with Darcy, I have always been far more sympathetic to his point of view than to Elizabeth's. He just makes more sense to me. And when I watch White Collar (or anything else that appeals to me because of my early fixation on Robin Hood) I'm never quite certain whether I want to date Neal Caffery or be Neal Caffery. And hey, that's fine. It's multiple levels of fun.

Hm. Part of why I love Bones-the-character so damned much is that not only is she awesome and brilliant and I want to be her, but also that I really do identify/empathize with her (which you don't - or I don't - have to do to love a character). I've seen a few people put up lists of favorite female characters. I might make one. I'd have to work on mine for awhile, because I truly doubt that I'd be able to come up with 50 in one shot - which is depressing but not surprising, I think - but it might be worth it, just to be able to see that long list of names. Now I really want lots of female characters I can identify with. I don't even care where they're from (a character in a romantic comedy that I can identify with would also be rare).

_____
*I can, however, identify with both Charlotte Collins and Mary Bennett. Which may be part of why I'm not particularly fond of Pride and Prejudice, despite the presence of a hero whom I don't believe has been overrated in the slightest by his rabid fans.

young girl, you're out of your mind

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 01:58:45 GMT

Glee!!!!

1. ..."Young Girl" is a fantastically inappropriate song for a man to sing to a student with a crush on him. Wow. I mean, they changed the words to better reflect that the crush is entirely on Rachel's side, but knowing the original words of the song added an extra (hilarious) layer of ick and embarrassment.

2. Mercedes telling Puck to back off and leave Quinn with Finn was one of the most interesting scenes in the series so far. And awesome, because she was 100% right and I love that she actually told him. But it just made me wish that Quinn would tell the truth, or even pick Puck instead of Finn.

3. I feel so very bad for Quinn. Not just because her parents are horrible, but because Finn had no business telling them anything.

4. Lean on Me! Bill Withers! Artie and Mercedes!

5. But I seem to be acquiring a fondness for pairings that involve cheating with the significant other's best friend. Which is sick. But seriously, I've now got two: Quinn/Puck in Glee, and Blair/Chuck in Gossip Girl. Just one more and it's a pattern.

And speaking of spoilers - Nice. I'm glad some of y'all want to read it! I love it! And I'm sorry I explained the end! The book was relevant to other musings, and thus on my brain, and I was thinking of a re-read and just reminiscing, and I didn't think about the fact that I was essentially recommending a book and probably shouldn't have gone into how she ends up. I hope you like the book anyhow.

My next post requires cocoa.

la!

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 16:45:28 GMT

A couple years ago I found this awesome book - Nice, by Jen Sacks - that I am re-reading now. It is a mystery/romance about two sociopaths.

The main character is nice. Really, really nice. She worries about hurting peoples' feelings. So when men ask her out she says yes, and if they ask she sleeps with them, and she really, really doesn't want to have to reject them because that would make them feel bad, so to solve the conundrum she kills them. They were accidents, mostly, but it did solve her problem.

Let's just say the plot has always sounded entirely too plausible.

She ends up (happily) dating a seasoned assassin, who knows about this past issue and is really big on making sure she communicates her wishes. She also loses an eye and wears an eyepatch and feels like a pirate, and it makes her happy.

I really love this book.

the weight on your shoulders

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 04:33:17 GMT

MERLIN. Oh my God. Wow.

This is an episode I've wanted all season.

Uther's history is revealed and Arthur nearly kills him over it. Over his mother. That fight. That fight was SO TENSE, and it hurt, and just - yes. Uther's lies, his hypocrisy with magic, and his methodology for handling his guilt, finally come back to bite him in the ass. YES.

Except not. Because of Merlin. (That shot at the end, of Morgause seeing Arthur and Uther together, smiling over something, and I just thought - Uther, God, shit just doesn't stick to him). I love that Merlin had to denounce Morgause as an enchantress. And he did have to - I don't know that her goal was to "destroy the kingdom," as they're so fond of saying, but clearly she wanted Uther dead and she wanted Arthur to do it.

And oh, Merlin. I'm so sorry for him. The look on Merlin's face, when Arthur said that he was once again convinced magic was bad - when Arthur thanked him for the convincing - just, wow. The dismay was writ plain on Merlin's face, but just for a moment. Because, you know, business as usual. He hadn't really even had the time to get used to the idea that he'd be able to tell Arthur one day, anyway. Hm. My happy place. That's my favorite kind of angst.

And he did it for Arthur. Because he wanted to save Arthur from what he was about to do - even though, as Gaius said, Merlin's life would have been so much easier and safer if Uther were dead. And because strengthening Arthur's belief in the evils of sorcery could only strengthen the betrayal of his own magic, Merlin judged Arthur's well-being to be more important to him than Arthur's good opinion. Seriously. My favorite kind of angst. It's just so frigging romantic.

Yes, I'm odd.

And then Arthur says to Uther, Swear to me you weren't responsible.

But he never actually did.

Uther said he loved Igraine, he said he never wanted anything to harm her, but he never said he wasn't responsible. Because he is, and everything Arthur accused him of is real.

This is a parental relationship I am fascinated by, because Uther is harsh and demanding and not at all demonstrative, but I do think Uther really, really loves Arthur, far more than he knows how to express, probably more than he thinks is acceptable - so, having killed his wife to get Arthur, Uther does ludicrous overprotective things like confine the commander of his army to chambers, like a six-year-old in time out. But then Arthur returns as Igraine's avenging angel, and Uther meets him not as an equal but as half-authority half-penitent, his manner a sort of attack-defense, and he plays the "you wouldn't strike your father" card so very believably but he doesn't believe it himself, because he's got his sword ready to parry. Because he's guilty. Damn, I do love this Uther.

I do wonder how much Uther knew about the workings of magic - the "life for a life" part. His conversation with Nimueh in season one makes me think she was betrayed, that they were friends before Arthur was born and Igraine died - so, either she herself didn't know (unlikely), or she didn't tell him (she judged Arthur's life or Uther's desires more important than Igraine), or she did tell him. And the thing is - I believe Uther when he says that he loved Igraine and would never have wanted to harm her. But I can see Nimueh saying "a life will be demanded in return," and Uther telling her not to echo the antiquated superstitions of the Old Religion, or assuming Nimueh can and will protect Igraine, or adopting the kind of willful blindness that seems to run in his family, wanting a son and vowing to fix the future when it gets here, or maybe just being too damned arrogant. Because nothing could ever possibly happen to those under his protection, and any woman he would wed is stronger than that anyway. Because Uther is precisely that sort of pig-headed arrogant.

I wonder why Uther took in Morgana but not Morgause. Unless "I had been told the child was dead" meant "I had instructed that the child be dead" - ie, he knew she would be a sorceress? But then, if that's the case, Morgause's connection to Gaius makes me a little more sympathetic of Gaius's treatment of Morgana - squashing any hint of sorcery in her would then obviously be very important to him. Watching Morgana watch Morgause was very interesting, too, though not from the prospective offered by the show (ie, wondering if they'd ever met, and eventually turning out to be sisters). I wonder what Morgana thought to see a woman walking around in armor. So much of Morgana's problem is that she isn't allowed to be capable, textually I mean - she keeps getting thwarted - but her instincts are strong and often leader-like (she can handle a weapon, and wants to, and she feels responsible for the people in Camelot). My read on her is that she could probably beat Arthur when they were kids, but couldn't now, not without subterfuge (because she got old enough and was denied further training). But Morgause beat Arthur on the challenge field, and I'm glad Morgana saw that.

I also really like that Morgause seemed to genuinely want Morgana to remember her fondly. Uther's worried about Morgana's loyalties (with good reason, obviously), but I don't think Arthur has cause to be. Yet. Hopefully never. So if Morgana is stuck between Morgause and Arthur, then Morgause's regard for her seems to be the sort of thing that could get them out of this mess. And messes are more interesting when they're not inevitable. And I like having hope. It keeps me happy.

But I do wish Morgause had told Morgana who she was. Why won't anyone ever tell her anything about herself? ARGH.

I can't decide if Morgana bothered me in this episode or not. I can't decide if her behavior lately is an annoying timidity or just a necessary care. She is trying to re-order the world through the perspective of being "the one in danger." Merlin isn't careful, but then, Merlin's never suddenly discovered he isn't safe - he's never been safe, and he's used to that. Maybe Morgana's season two characterization is just something to use to measure the gravity of the danger. Because Merlin isn't going to give us that - he's the kind of idiot who will make giant smoke unicorns when he's bored.

It's just that I'm not in this for "the gravity of the danger," I'm in this for goofy shenanigans, so I wish Morgana got to be a part of that.

but my eyes still see

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 04:01:34 GMT

Oh, wow, no more tipsy LJ for me. I seem to get even more flippant-weird. Is there an etiquette concerning the deletion of your own comments in other peoples' journals? *headdesk* lol? Eek.

I am moving! I am moving to a building where there is a very enthusiastic drum player, and he practices, often. I am absolutely thrilled by this and don't mind his practicing at all. That is how glad I am to be gone from where I am (well, but also - he's really quite good).

I've just finished catching up with White Collar, and I love it. I seem to be watching a lot of television this season. The only weeknight with nothing is Tuesday. I haven't watched TV this regularly since high school.

I tried to write something today, from one of my many One-Day-I'll-Write-That daydreams (the one with the aristocratic bully who gets turned into a werewolf and finds himself at the bottom of the pack's pecking order and subsequently becomes hapless and flaily and pissed-off), and all I ended up doing was writing fourteen more pages of character notes. I loved RPing, and it did a lot to help me be willing to be creative in public, but the flipside of that is that I now primarily think with character sheets. And now I am hapless and flaily and pissed-off. Argh. And you all write, or wrote, so clearly I have no excuse. Argh Argh Argh.

have fun storming the castle

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 03:50:49 GMT

I made Halloween cupcakes, but that has been the extent of my Halloween celebrating this evening. They have orange and brown sprinkles on them. They are delicious. I have outside confirmation on this; my ego has been nicely stroked.

I am going home for Thanksgiving, which is good, because I miss my family. My eighteen-year-old self would be disgusted. What my eighteen-year-old self would have thought used to matter to me, but usually I no longer care.

I'm not sure where to settle. FindYourSpot seems to think I'd be best off in Tacoma, WA or Lewiston, ME. That's a lot of ground to choose between.

Oh, just - fuck it. Danny? Rusty? I don't know what an Ella Fitzgerald is, but if you find me, I'm certain I could learn.

fake love for an hour or so

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 02:59:20 GMT

So, this was mostly a gigglefest. Last week my primary impression was that Sarah Parish is awesome and obviously loads of fun. This week is much the same, only directed at Anthony Stewart Head.

Anthony Stewart Head is wonderful and lolarious. They rarely give him anything to do, so he usually just stomps about looking pissy and chewing the scenery, but nevertheless he manages, every once in awhile, to convey that Uther has an inner life.

This was not one of those times.

This was just pure, silly awesome. Lurking! Lurking with flowers. Romancing a troll! Ardently. But wow, I really should not have come to this episode with a snack.

1. Arthur and Morgana going TROLL *SPUTTER* TROLL WHAT THE FUCK TROLL together in front of Uther made me happy. It was...sibling-like.

2. Aach! Uther/Troll! Uther/Troll on a bed EW EW EW EW OH UGH.

(Anthony Stewart Head you are awesome and hilarifying!)

3. Great Dragon HAHAHAHA I LOVE YOU.

I think Morgana and the great dragon should meet.

4. Merlin was under Arthur's bed! Arthur was definitely thinking about something specific he didn't want Merlin around for.

Arthur and Merlin! Poison and antidote banter! I kept giggling. Only. Well, once Arthur was (brink-of-)dead I abruptly started taking everything seriously again. This plot device did not end well in Romeo and Juliet, and suddenly I was really nervous and troll farting was no longer something I could have a sense of humor about. I never really regained it after that.

I did smile, with Uther and Arthur at the end. But argh, Arthur, you horrible repressed rich boy, why won't you hug Merlin?

5. Also: More Gwen and Morgana in future, please.

--

In more serious thoughts, I have said before that I really love that Arthur leads the army but doesn't really control it. The dynamic is very interesting to me. It's all the duties and the blame, but without decision or control. He is his father's arm. And the people could dislike Uther in theory, distantly, but Arthur and his men are the faces they'll associate with Uther's decisions; the visceral reactions will be focused upon them. And just - damn, that must suck.

But now, how much do I love it that Arthur refused to collect the tax? It's been this way for ages - he's done distasteful things on his father's behalf before, he doesn't have to let Gwen's expression or the peoples' desperation sway him - but he does. I think - at least, it has seemed to me - that from the very beginning Arthur has sometimes known that Uther is not always right, but here that knowledge was also action. There's a difference between being willing to die for his people, as he always has been, and wanting to take care of them, and I like that we're slowly getting more and more evidence of both.

And then, how much do I love it that the men put up only a token protest on Uther's behalf? I think they really are Arthur's men, and it really is Arthur's army, after all. And that is - that is fascinating and precarious, that is dangerous. I wonder if any of them have realized it yet.

a quarter and a kiss

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 17:57:14 GMT

I finally finished On the Road. It's a work of sheer mad genius, worthy of its characters, but I'm never reading it again. It spoke to me on a lot of levels, but its casual misogyny was a constant reminder that none of this was for me. I never felt offended by it, just shut out: as if Kerouac's response, were he to hear that someone like me would read his book, would have been, "why?"

Also: I overheard a pair of undergraduates discussing Catullus 16 in the library, yesterday. They were really amusing - reminded me of characters I once saw in a movie, twelve year olds gawking over an unexpurgated full translation of The Arabian Nights. Because ages past were more exciting than our staid modern one, but it's still a gigantic revelation that people have always been oscene. :D

Lastly: my interview yesterday went really well (much better than the other, in which I couldn't seem to say anything of substance whatsoever), but that just means I can't book a flight home for December until I find out if I've gotten the job, and they interviewed a lot of people. I won't find out for two to three weeks, and meanwhile, prices are steadily rising. Eluch.

I am going to go buy a pumpkin. A teeny one.

...you're going to tell Uther his new lady friend is a troll.

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 22:23:47 GMT

The Uther Show! I maybe loved this episode more than any normal adult should have. I think my enjoyment came from the same place that made me create characters like Flynt.

My primary reaction to this episode was that I really love Sarah Parish. Sarah Parish is hilarious and awesome and clearly enjoyed herself. No wonder they made her their queen.

There was no room for anyone else here, really: Morgana was barely present, Gwen was nonexistent, and even Arthur was pretty scarce. But I don't mind. The story wasn't about them, and the episode was fun. I kept giggling. Nothing made me start English-majoring.

1. Why hello there, Morgana! You are looking pretty, in the background as usual! (/snark)

2. I love Sarah Parish.

3. Hahhahhah Arthur's face. It squishes! He is such an eleven-year-old.

4. Hahhah did Morgana just wink at Uther? At the least we've got a knowing smirk. How much do I love that Arthur's the one making sixth-grade faces, and Morgana's the one going HAH HAH, YOU CAN TOTALLY TAP THIS I'LL GET OUT OF YOUR WAY.

5. Sarah Parish! I keep giggling.

6. I'd never noticed Uther's scar before. Wow. I'm feeling somewhat blind, actually.

7. Hello there, Arthur's chest! Oh, Arthur. The manner in which you hog all available bed space is very amusing to me. You can relax, dude. The bed is not trying to escape.

8. So, Arthur thinks Merlin is a peeping Tom, and then just says "dude, I get it, you're from the country, just don't do it again." What? Um. I'm kind of impressed by the writers here: in one teeny interaction they denied Arthur as much character development - on multiple layers, even! - as they deny Merlin in the whole episode. That takes talent! Anyway. I think I'm going to ignore that bit. It doesn't make sense. He doesn't even scold him about the broken mirror! (seriously, they were really expensive, that's weird. Not that they were that clear or reflective anyway, but - okay, okay, I'm shutting up my historian again, just a minute.)

9. Okay, the troll farts in her sleep. Why am I giggling? That is so fourth grade. And yet cute? I am stupidly charmed. *snicker*

10. Hello there, Gwen! It's good to see you at 31 minutes in! It is also good to see you right next to Morgana, looking absolutely lovely and like a guest. I could go into my musing about how I think (hope? no, think) the writers are trying to help you up a few rungs of the social ladder with a shift from "Morgana's servant" to "Morgana's lady-in-waiting," but that would lead to English majoring, and just, no. This is the episode with the farting troll.

11. Dude, why is Geoffrey performing the marriage?

12. Okay, so - final impressions:

I'm actually okay with the lack of Morgana and Gwen. It gave me a break from feeling anxious on their parts, but also, Merlin! So much of this episode was about him, and he got to use his magic, and that makes me happy, because I love him and it's his show and he hasn't gotten to play much this season. Granted, character development would have been, you know, nice, but I started watching this show for the goofy and this episode delivered that.

Just to be clear: yes, this episode was stupid. Also, just in case it hasn't been made really really clear yet, all beautiful women are evil and possibly secretly monstrous. But I can't seem to summon the energy to get angry about it, not the way I do on Morgana's behalf. So. Um. I liked it anyway? I don't even know. It's weird that they chose to make something which is essentially a filler episode their first two-parter, but it was fun. I giggled a lot. I'm good.

--

(My uneasiness re:Morgana keeps escalating the more I ponder the issue - I have another rant in me about her, actually, though now is not the time for it. This episode gave no more fuel! But I've been meaning to watch 204 again, a little more closely this time, and - well, that'll probably do it.)

don't let the sunshine spoil your rain

Sun, 11 Oct 2009 04:49:32 GMT

I am sick. I walked to get cold medicine. In the cold, because I am an idiot. I just grabbed a twenty, okay - I don't have a car and the bus wasn't running, so I did not bring my purse or ID, and then after a half-hour walk I am staring at the check-out girl through my disgusting haze of snot and watery eyes, and she would not sell me cold medicine without my driver's license. I will grant you I'm not the most observant of people when it comes to things everyone else knows, but seriously, when did this shit happen? Apparently I have to be sick in order to prevent the manufacture of methamphetamines.

And now I would like to sleep and I have no antihistamine.

Also, my classes are really boring, and to top it all off, when I get out of here, having earned a 50,000 dollar debt and a piece of paper, I have to be a librarian. I DON'T WANT TO BE A LIBRARIAN. I am never going to get away from books. They're going to cover me in dust and weigh me down and swallow me whole and I won't even do anything about it.

I'm kind of cranky.

But also: oh, hey. Our president won a Nobel.

:DDD

Is this because we haven't invaded anyone new in the last year? Positive reinforcement? :D

Really, this is nifty.

I'm not good at titles

Sun, 11 Oct 2009 04:26:40 GMT

Dollhouse (yes, really)

1) Alisoun is not from the Wife of Bath's tale, idiot. She is from the Miller's tale.
2) Alisoun is not stupid. I didn't like her (or Chaucer), but she's not stupid. With all the epic bad of this show, I nevertheless can no longer suspend my disbelief here, because a man who would invent a Kiki thinking she's a modern-day Alisoun is not qualified to teach college Chaucer. Major fail.

That said, Victor-Kiki was awesome. And even if she did it with Victor's upper-arm strength, I love that Kiki punched that guy out cold.
___

Merlin

Isolated moments of awesome, but my unhappy meter was going off quietly but persistently in the background. Reference to the actual legend does that to me. So.

Morgana and Gwen fighting the Mercians was awesome, but the awesome was tempered somewhat by the damsel in distress theme of the episode.

Similarly, the fierce loyalty Morgana and Gwen had for each other, and the fun Arthur and Merlin interactions (face-smearing with berries! stinky berries! And I don't care if the serious conversation by the river was just a way to get some exposition in, on the characters' side of the fourth wall it means that Arthur trusts Merlin a whole hell of a lot) - I've lost my train of thought. But basically, these core friendships/relationships that the show was built on last season have gotten a bit lost thus far in season two, and I was glad to see them here, but they were overshadowed by the fairly diligent work at creating the legend that I really hoped they were preparing to twist up. And I'd feel a lot easier about Gwen/Lancelot here if it weren't coming just two episodes after the Gwen/Arthur. Up to now, they'd painted her as the very last sort of person who would be fickle. So I'm kind of confused, writers. What are you doing?

And also, Gwen and Lancelot make much more sense to me than Gwen and Arthur.

Okay, so - the Gwen/Arthur kiss from a few episodes back was absolutely gorgeous. I'm kind of surprised I didn't mention it then, because I was pretty bowled over by it. Just - well done, cinematographers, but also, my god, the way she followed him, when he pulled away. It was lovely and it hurt, which is just right, I think. But it was unreal. It even looked like it was out of a fairy tale; more an idea than a kiss, and I think that's reflective of the relationship as a whole, for both of them.

But I can't even really see a foundation for the idea, let alone for a real romance. I can see how the circumstances - also unreal, pretending to be someone else, and she helping him - I can see how those circumstances would have led Arthur to kiss her - stepping into another life, just for a moment - but not how it would have ended up with her as anything other than a trusted friend. Long-term, I mean, once those specific circumstances were behind them.

Gwen is another story. She's one of the few who see him clearly, both that he's a bully and a prat (and she calls him on it, and he welcomes that), but also the enormous potential to be so much more. Arthur would be so very easy to romanticize - and seriously, how can you want to do anything but step into that idea, even if just for a moment, when you're one of the few who really see him and he starts looking back? But just because I can understand her responding to that doesn't mean I understand why there's anything to respond to, and I don't see her forming an attachment like that without encouragement.

And while I don't want to claim anything deeper for Lancelot and Guinevere, not yet - he is clearly an idea to her, too, albeit one he seems determined to become - this is a romance I buy. The set-up just worked for me, better. I don't know? I don't feel like dissecting them right now. My brain is stuck on "Gwen and Arthur would have a really awesome friendship but I do not see anything non-platonic, at all." And frankly, this episode actually made it even harder for me to believe in Gwen/Arthur alone. It just seems to me that writing in the jealousy of their triangle so early in the story makes the actual outcome far less likely. How is it possible even to set the stage for such a huge betrayal, with its beginnings coming so early, and so clearly seen by Arthur? Even if he tended toward willful blindness - which I don't buy, but hell, look at Merlin, so you could make an argument for it - how is it even possible for him to walk into that now?

Final thoughts:
-Giant naked mole rat! Is that an ROUS or one of Jabba's pets? I can't decide. Either way it is made of RANDOM AWESOME.
-I cannot wait for next week! Uther and a troll! It looks like fun shenanigans, with no hints of the legend that will make me or my inner feminist gloomy. It's going to be so nice to be able to stop thinking about this show. It's supposed to be shallow.

Good night.

Little Red Riding Hood!

Sun, 04 Oct 2009 01:57:11 GMT

Morgana was a little too victimy through this whole thing - victim of her magic, then of her wounded leg, and now she's hiding. But she's not hiding from Merlin, and Merlin only needed the one person, too (Gaius), so there may be somewhere fun they could take this. If they don't mess it up too badly.

Still, I have mixed feelings about Merlin's conduct. Merlin, stop telling Morgana she can trust you. Obviously, she can't. When she says she feels alone, the proper response is to TELL HER SHE'S NOT ALONE.

I'm almost (though only almost) more willing to forgive Gaius' behavior. Gaius I understand. Gaius probably had a part in the first, early destruction of sorcerers, and clearly knew magic at one point in the past. That's a lot of guilt to atone for in Merlin and Morgana. He met Merlin as a young adult, and Merlin's power was so clearly external - hiding it was a lost cause and never really a consideration. But Morgana's power had always been internal (easy to conceal) before now, and added to that, he's known her since she was a child and I'm not certain he realizes she's grown up. He's been protecting her since before she could be expected to protect herself, by any standards. And the best and safest way to keep protecting her from Uther would be continued concealment. And then there's the possibility that Gaius gave up magic of his own, in which case he did it because he could, and I'm not certain he understands that Morgana just can't.

But Merlin. Why can't you just tell her? Morgana went to Ealdor and fought a warlord for you. She hid a Druid boy because it was wrong not to and because you asked her to. She can trust you? Well, you can clearly trust her. Tell her you're the same, damnit. That way you can hang out and be all magical together. Secret magic lessons in the castle!

I really did like the Merlin/Morgana friendship in this episode. I smiled when he brought her flowers. I almost ship Merlin/Morgana now, though it's too dysfunctional on too many levels if it's anything but platonic right now. But in ten years, when Morgana comes back to Arthur's happy and prosperous court and becomes one of his sorcerers/advisors, like Merlin, and all five of them live happily ever after, I think I'll rather like that arm of the OT5. (Someone needs to write that.)

I just wish he'd told her, or at least allowed her to see. The friendship would feel more genuine. But they have been raising the fear level this season, so I suppose that's meant to excuse him.

Also: so much of this episode I just kept thinking Arthur, no, don't do this, don't do this. But I get it. As far as he knew his sister had been kidnapped - and I'm a little peeved that she didn't even try to counter that assumption, couldn't come up with some kind of lie - but this paragraph is about Arthur, so let me get back to the point: it's time to convert him. It's time for Arthur to know that two of the people he cares most about have hugely powerful magical abilities and are scared out of their minds, so that he can start protecting them long enough for them to come into their own. Because that is what I want.

And also: that will be why Mordred can hate Camelot, even after Arthur helped Morgana to save him last season. Getting chased down and surrounded by Arthur's men is probably a pre-cursor for further hatred.

And finally: another final conversation of awesome disconnect. Arthur warning Merlin off, instead of taking the disapproving position he attributes to Uther, or talking to Morgana, is...interesting, given that he's talking about staying on your proper "level." Promising. And then "she can't be your friend," if you follow the subtext the writers want you to follow, also means that Gwen can't be Arthur's friend; and then if you follow the subtext they may or may not have known about, also means that Merlin can't be Arthur's friend. And Arthur looked sad. All very interesting. Arthur's going to choose his own friends in the future. I can definitely see the foundation of the court-set Gwen/Lancelot, in this universe. They're going to have a lot in common.

And I have a small happiness for the way that conversation ended. "You can't hide anything from me, Merlin" was the same old Arthur's Dim And Unobservant! joke, but it seemed half-hearted, and Merlin's "wouldn't dream of it" was sort of bitter. They're setting us up. They have to be. Even if Arthur doesn't find out about the magic soon, he's going to be forcibly reminded that Merlin is a person. Which is awesome. I'm glad that Gwen's getting her time to shine, but I wish it weren't coming at Merlin's expense. There is room for two Servants Who Are People In Arthur's Eyes in the same episode, writers.

Or maybe there's not. Maybe Arthur's still this ridiculous boy. In which case: you put him in charge of an army, writers. And Merlin is definitely his best friend. He should grow up enough to realize that. He can remain a ridiculous boy in other respects, however.

Arthur totally wanted Merlin to bring him flowers.

:DDD

the sun shine warm

Sun, 27 Sep 2009 23:10:38 GMT

Merlin!

This episode has co-opted one of Lancelot's well-known stories for Arthur, but that is okay. And "Sir William" was adorable.

I really liked this episode. I think it's interesting that the first thing established in the last episode is that Merlin doesn't feel that Arthur knows or appreciates him, and after setting the tone for the season in that way, the show proceeds to develop Arthur's relationship with Gwen. The disonance is interesting. Merlin is the one who so badly wants to be recognized, but Gwen is the one teaching Arthur that servants are people. Obviously it will be a continuing process.

But while yes, I find it interesting, I'm not sure why they're doing it. Merlin's part seems to be the slapstick humor this season, and it makes me uncomfortable (though not as much as Morgana; more on that later). Even if Arthur hasn't learned to value him yet, I wish they would let Merlin come into his own a little more. He's going to be a power behind the throne someday, but the writers have stopped letting his relationship with Arthur influence Arthur, however unconsciously. I find that odd.

And the Arthur/Gwen was a lot more believable, and therefore more genuinely enjoyable, in this episode - right up until their very last conversation. The expressions on their faces were right, but the words were wrong. As much as I love the silly, focused-on-fun "family show!" attitude, I think that conversation would have been more interesting and more genuine if Arthur hadn't had to begin it with my father would never understand.

Unless they were playing to two audiences, there? Kids hear "my father would never understand that I want to make you a queen and so we can't be together at all," shallow and simplistic as that is, and adults hear "my father would never understand or allow a relationship of equals, and as this whole episode has been about me learning that you are a person, I promise I do not think you are readily available to me simply because I am a prince, because I value you and what you taught me." Etc.

But somehow I find that unlikely.

And Morgana is a problem. She was barely here, and she looked kind of...sickly. And the preview made me angry. The dragon said "it would be best if the witch never learned the extent of her powers." "The witch"? She is a person. With a name. And why shouldn't she, anyway? And I'm not sure how I feel about Gaius and Morgana. Given his history, I think I can understand where he's coming from, but I still think it's demeaning and stupid and creepy, the way her suppressed magic is tearing her up and he just hands her more sleeping drugs. He won't let her own herself.

Given that male suspicion of female power is possibly one of the reasons she became a villain in some versions of the myth, I am really, really wary of where her storyline is and where it's going. She's the character I find most easy to identify with, probably because she's the only one without a metatextual veneer of faultlessness. The only other who even comes close is Arthur with his Prat characterization, but he is...well, King Arthur. We know what he becomes. Who could identify with that?

But I like Morgana. I don't want them to ruin that. I really want them to overturn her characterization in some way. I don't see why they shouldn't, when the whole premise reimagines Merlin himself, and magic, and also they think random giant chess pieces were the decor of choice in Camelot.

Also, as part of my recent YA-Lit phase, I have been reading and am almost finished with Gaiman's The Graveyard Book and I love it, love it, love it. I recommend it unconditionally.

I carried a watermelon

Sun, 20 Sep 2009 18:29:45 GMT

The thing about tabloids is that they exaggerate and lie and so I don't even scan them all that often and when I do I tend to think that if they're screaming about someone's imminent death, the personage in question simply has a cold and his/her relatives would really appreciate a cessation of all condolence calls. But. Patrick Swayze died last week. I just found out. That's. Johnny Castle just died.

Is that horrible? To equate everything he was to one roll he played twenty years ago? I hope not, because I am genuinely saddened by this. And anyway, I always think you kind of miss the point if you think you're making a connection with someone other than the characters they craft and present to you. I didn't know him, but I was a fan of that movie before I had any clue what it was actually about, so.

I don't know. This doesn't affect me and I'll have forgotten about it in a day. I'm sorry. I am. Rest in peace.

you...always surprise me

Sun, 20 Sep 2009 02:57:40 GMT

Merlin!

...Hahhah, are those railings?

They've started on the Arthur/Gwen, and it was fairly cute. It looks like they're going to do it in classic teen hijinks fashion, which is predictable (and a little forced, but most of the relationships are). It might be okay. It was also short (it had about equal screen time with this episode's Gwen/Morgana). As per usual, the episode was primarily about Merlin's work on his five-year plan to make Arthur his boyfriend.

It was a good season-opener, I think, in that it lays a pretty varied foundation. It really outlined trust as an issue between Arthur and Merlin, and for all that it was Merlin complaining that Arthur doesn't trust him, that was pretty rich coming from someone with such a big secret. This could be interesting. There was also Merlin's sense of being unappreciated, which felt more strongly drawn here than I remember it; last season being taken for granted felt like a matter of course, but Merlin seems less accepting of it now. He wants to be known. I like that.

And oh, dear. Don't mind me giggle-snorting through this, because I'm serious: as interesting as I'm sure the fic writers found it, that whole kneeling-on-all-fours-so-Arthur-can-mount-his-horse thing has got to stop.

Morgana's power is not going away and her reaction to a nightmare is getting more violent, and God, I hope the writers handle this well; they probably won't, but the only other thing noteworthy about her here was that she insisted on helping the wounded, and while that kindness is in line with Morgana, that's also weirdly grounded for her - which is promising, I think, in the face of the coming crazy. Possibly it's Gwen's influence. Gwen, of course, is the one quietly being essential to everyone else, with her bravery and good sense, except that this time she saved Arthur and so someone other than Morgana actually noticed. However fleetingly. She'll be moving out of the background, I think, and I'm looking forward to it.

The season-long trailer at the end has me really excited.

But. Well. While yes, it's shallow, I was primarily struck by how pretty they all are. Gwen is absolutely beautiful, just sort of glows, and Morgana still looks as I wanted to when I was eight (and still do, sometimes), and Merlin seems even more jagged, somehow. He might be growing into his cheekbones. He's the least attractive of them all but he's probably still my favorite, interesting to look at, and his smile is just lovely.

But Arthur is beautiful. Far more than the person who plays him (who isn't ugly, by any means, but I find him rather ordinary-looking). He looked like the character I've been reading about, this past summer, rather than the one I remember watching last season. Either he is filling out, sort of, in a metaphorical sense, or I've been taken in. Which would be okay.

And. Uther is hotass. This disturbs me.

Overall, I am really pleased with this first episode, and I am looking forward to the rest of the season.

SCURVY DOGS

Sun, 20 Sep 2009 01:19:48 GMT

Avast, ye bilge rats!

IT BE TH' DAY O' TH' PIRATES. WHERE'S ME SWAG? Loot! Ahoy! ARR!

DRINK UP ME 'EARTIES YO HO.

REALLY BAD EGGS.

Hey! Did you know?

Sat, 12 Sep 2009 07:14:56 GMT

Planning is one of many of the librarian's responsibilities. Planning means devising a method for accomplishing something. Planning takes place every day because outcomes are sought, decisions are made to reach those outcomes, and actions are taken based on those decisions. The distinction is between informal planning, which people do daily, and formal planning, which has a structure within which conscious, intentional planning occurs.

It's a good thing there are $70 textbooks to inform me of these things. But, also:

...and I shambled after as I've been doing all my life after people who interest me, because the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!"

From On the Road. I've always wanted to be that, though who knows whether I mean the mad ones or the narrator when I say that. I don't suppose it matters. I've tried at both but have never really been near to either.

I'm going to love this book.

Well. And I just checked out Gossip Girl, so if it gets too pretentious I can take a break.

at least the women were awesome

Sat, 05 Sep 2009 03:29:48 GMT

I just watched series three of Torchwood. I'm still numb, but I can feel the anger building somewhere.

I started having trouble breathing with the rounding up of children, and then I felt like I was choking, and then there was Steven, and Jack and Steven, and Jack and Alice, and Steven bleeding out of his nose and ears and screaming, and I was crying.

Once Alice got to him on the floor, I just went numb. I went through the rest of the episode numb and still crying. I was distantly able to recognize that, if I'd been capable of feeling anything, I might have found Bridget Spears awesome - but no. That was an exercise in gratuitous horror.

I'll start with what I liked. I have to help my brain up off the floor.

1) I love Gwen, and I finally feel justified in loving Gwen. We finally got to see her being as awesome as she was supposed to be. "We've been expecting you." :D

2) I'm actually okay with Ianto's fate. I've been bracing myself for his death since I saw this photo:

- there's something spare and terrible about it, about the way none of them are looking at each other and the way that Ianto is looking down. And his death was fairly obviously foreshadowed. But he died well, which was nice, because I feel like his character has been given particularly short shrift through most of the series. After Lisa was revealed in series 1 - revealed along with the kind of layered, hardcore competence it would have taken for Ianto to hide her in the hub, where they work, where Jack lives - Ianto simply ceased to be mysterious, which made absolutely no sense to me. But the writers seemed to have decided that Ianto had no more secrets, and stopped writing him as anything other than Jack's potential boyfriend. But here he felt more like the character with that kind of depth. And my stomach started hurting when he asked Jack not to forget him. It was gently devastating and entirely appropriate.

3) I loved the strong women in this thing. Not just Gwen - Lois had dimension in her strength, the way she would start out nervous and scared and then do what needed to be done, and Ianto's brave gossipy sister, taking care of nineteen kids, and Alice (fighting off soldiers with a kitchen knife and a breadboard), and badass soldier lady who was both hot and not-young, and the afore-mentioned Bridget, and I even have some narrative admiration for the heinous bitch in the cabinet who just said flat out, "none of my kids." Which brings me to:

4) Excellent human villains. I mean, the aliens were creepy; and having children be a drug - as in, we're giving up 10% of our children so that they can become the equivalent of lines of coke - was a brilliantly low, disgusting bit of nothing that made for very effective television. But the humans. I wanted to shoot them in the face. After Steven, and before I went fully numb, I wanted to claw their faces into ribbons with my own fingernails.

5) John Frobisher. I keep going over the PM's statement that he's a good man, "good and expendable." Good. I don't know what to make of it. I found Frobisher annoyingly bureaucratic, and then two-dimensionally "bad guy"-ish, and then weak and detestable, but then -

In however many decades that he worked there, he never put himself forward and he never moved on; he just "worked hard." He was, as they kept saying, a middle-man, probably by nature as well as habit, by then. That's supposed to be the safe road, but his refusal to be the sort of man who makes the decisions (I think, for me, he became both weak and sympathetic at the point where he was desperately avoiding any part in the selection process) is what got his family targeted, what got his kids killed, no matter that he held the gun.

He was so used to doing what he was told, and he was good at what he did but had never really distinguished himself - he was expendable. I think he'd probably wanted more responsibility, more recognition of his hard work, for years, but he'd never really had it before and so didn't know how to shoulder it when it was meant to hang who bore it. I don't think he ever would have gotten it if his superiors hadn't planned to hang him all along. His only defiance was deplorable; yet I understand his actions, and that's part of what makes it so horrible.

6) Alice and Steven. Gratuitous and horrible and oh, Jack. My God.

I giggled in episode 1 or 2, when Jack was all "hey, can I borrow my grandson so I can experiment on him?" - and oh man, Ianto was over at his sister's trying the same thing - but it isn't quite so funny with hindsight.

___

So: final impression. It was probably the best I've seen from Torchwood. Torchwood hasn't generally been well-written, but in many ways this felt like an exception. Pacing and characterization was excellent. But fuck, Torchwood, I really fucking hate you.

I'll watch series four. I want to see how they rebuild the team. And Gwen is awesome, and I want to see Mommy!Gwen kicking ass and taking names, and I want to see Jack again.

But they went for the jugular, the easy blood. It's lazy and blatantly manipulative and I'm so pissed off that I let myself do this, I could see it and I walked right into it. The easiest way to get people to cry is to start killing off lovers and rounding up children. Well, fuck you, RTD. Please go die in a fire.

Eight years ago, I googled Tamora Pierce...

Wed, 02 Sep 2009 00:16:03 GMT

Link from Julia. Rest in peace, Steelsings.

I'm so glad I found SS. There are so many wonderful people I never would have met otherwise, so many stories I wouldn't have been part of.

Thank you, SS and SSers. You made me very happy.

call me irresponsible

Thu, 25 Jun 2009 16:46:39 GMT

I just did a quiz to find out how I'd get reincarnated. They said I don't fit in any new lives and so I'll have to stay in hell.

Well. That's nice.

My dog is currently in Montana. I really, really miss my dog.

I like this ship! It's exciting!

Sun, 17 May 2009 03:34:50 GMT

I saw Star Trek and I loved it.

I think it was very clever to create an entirely new universe to play in. Now, I love AUs. I love the affirmation that some things are constant. I love the spark of potential and possibility where things can be different. I love that play on what each universe says of the other.

But beyond that, it makes such good sense. They've got the freedom to play with the very heart of Trek without choking on its continuity. And this universe - this brand new, beautiful, huge infant universe - I'm going to get to watch it grow from the very beginning. I am so happy. There's so much more to tell!

I hope they make more movies.